apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
