Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
