mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i need some magic done to my vagina
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
