thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Less talking, more tequila
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
