never play flip cup with pint glasses
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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