If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
