I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
