I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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