my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
