I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
