I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
