Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
As shirtless as possible
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
