I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
