I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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