But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
