Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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