im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
