Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
