She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
