Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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