Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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