I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
