i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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