and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
