"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
