Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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