i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
