this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
