We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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