Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
