dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
