Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
how drunk are you?
Several
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
