Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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