My brain says no but my pants say off.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
