I look better un-naked...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
