I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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