if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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