That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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