Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
