Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
