so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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