worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
