I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
