I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
