dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
