Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
