We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
