Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I deserve this hangover.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize