lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
