Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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