Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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