my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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