Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
