My room smells like vodka and shame
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
