I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
