I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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