and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
